MY DAUGHTER, MY INSPIRATION.

So, this weekend my first born turned two years old, and of course I found myself revisiting the memories I have of the day she was born. Amazing memories. My little undiagnosed breech bundle of cuteness who decided she wanted to be born two and a half weeks before her EDD at home in our bedroom. I really wouldn’t change a single thing about it. It was perfect. Challenging, but perfect.

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Little did I know how giving birth to her would change my life for so many amazing reasons. Not only did I become a mother to a little girl that day, but I also became a stronger, more resilient and confident woman too.

That mother’s instinct that kicks in is so powerful, where on earth does it come from with such force? I felt such an overwhelming sense of protection for this little baby and that feeling has grown more and more each day into something that is now just a part of who I am.

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My now two-year-old has taught me how strong I am with making decisions. Firm decisions that come naturally to me without a second thought. I know her inside out, but I now feel as though I know myself inside out too.

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She has made me explore my emotions more than any other life experience has, the good the bad and the ugly. I never knew before what sleep deprivation was like. I never knew how much I could love, really love, so much that sometimes it hurts my heart, a real pang in my heart that aches with how much I love her. I never knew how wanting to make something better for her would get me so agitated when she didn’t understand my reasons and would get upset. Frustration would kick in when I had been bouncing her to sleep for two hours only for her to wake up as soon as I put her down for a sleep when she finally nodded off. Emotion after emotion after emotion. An absolute rollercoaster of ups and downs and round and rounds, but all these feelings I would never have felt so intensely without her in my life, and I thank her for that. I now know how to really feel.

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One thing she has really allowed me to recognise is how determined I am. I knew I had this in me regarding work and business and shooting for the stars when I felt the time was right, but I never realised how determined I could be physically. Birthing her at home, total surprise but I knew I could do it in that moment. Realising she was breech, again total surprise but I was determined to do my absolute best out of an ‘emergency’ situation. Breastfeeding her for the first 6 months when at week 4 I thought “how on earth am I going to be able to continue this? I am so tired and hungry and exhausted” and then cracking through that wall and continuing until she was 12 months. That is my biggest achievement!

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I have realised how much I have to give and that I am now a selfless person. She always comes first no matter what. When we are both hungry she gets fed first. When we are both muddy and sticky, she gets bathed first. When we are both exhausted I make sure she is happy and asleep first. When we are both frustrated I focus on her needs first. Before she was born I only ever really focused on me, but this little human in my life needs me to be there for her, and I more than ok with that. I prefer it that way.

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The most amazing thing she has done for me is she has become my inspiration. My entire life going forward from the very moment she was born changed my future. She has inspired me to follow my dreams and work with women, pregnant women and babies. She has inspired me to help others regarding their choices during pregnancy and birth. She has inspired me to one day become am ambassador for women exploring their options regarding the presentation of their breech babies. She has inspired me to create and shape Equilibrium Birthing in its first year. This little creature has made such an impact on my entire life, simply by the circumstances upon which she was born.

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My two year old. My darling two year old. Thank you for everything. You have made me realise who I really am. I love you.

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